Hair Play

"There is no doubt of the racism and hatred that the British have towards the Muslims and especially Pakistan." - email to http://content-uk.cricinfo.com/engvpak/content/current/story/257299.html following the bizarre ending of the 4th England vs Pakistan Test at the Oval on August 21st.

Woah! Hold on there Mohammed. The English didn't precipitate this farce. The umpire who made the decision, Mr Darrell Hair, is Australian (backed up by his co-umpire from Dominica) and the team that refused to play on were the Pakistanis. Leave us out of it matey.

Yes, one can understand the emailer's frustration. A cracking test match was heading towards an exciting conclusion. A dominant Pakistan were six wickets away from winding up the English second innings and were still 30 runs ahead with 20 overs and a day to play. Collingwood and Bell, the last recognised batsmen in the England line-up, were plugging away trying to set up a defendable total whilst Kaneria was finally getting some serious spin from the pitch and Asif and Gul were hitting line and length. It was fascinating stuff. And then we had the 'protest' with Pakistan refusing to come out and play because their 'honour' had been impugned by the accusation that they had tampered with the ball. What a let down. But how do you get from this to accusation of 'British hatred and racism' is beyond my ken.

If the angry emailer had bothered to read any comments from the English press, fans and cricket authorities he would have seen that the vast majority were pro-Pakistan and very critical of the ball tampering decision. The (English) TV commentators Nasser Hussain, Gower and Botham were as one in their support of Inzie and their critique of Darrell Hair. The ECB officials made strenous efforts to get the match resumed. If this is 'racism and hatred' then I'm a Dutchman. So try this Mr Angry. You, Mr anonymous Pakistani muslim, have a sensitivity issue which you need to address. You need to grow up and learn to count to ten before you shout your mouth off with unsupported wild allegations. The only racist hatred being espoused is yours and you do your country a grave disservice by espousing it.

Mentalists

Two nil down - three two up. On the ball City, never mind the danger.

Norwich City FC made it six points out of nine this weekend with a stirring fightback against The Hatters and post-match the manager Nigel Worthington was quick to highlight NCFC's 'new' mental toughness: "I want my players to show self-belief, resilience and determination in every game they play. They showed those qualities in abundance. Last season we would have lost a game like that."

Indeed, last year we did lose this corresponding fixture which was doubly embarrassing for your editor because he was working in Dunstable at the time, a mere empty crisp bag waft-in-the-wind from the shit hole that is Luton, recently voted England's worst town. I also played in a local 6-a-side competition in Luton during my Dunstable years and have witnessed Lutonions in full foul-mouthed chavtastic action. Was it Betjeman who wrote: "Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough, To get it ready for the plough."? He meant Luton, it just didn't rhyme.

So, not only was the result sweet revenge for last years' loss, but I also greatly enjoyed the manner of our victory, first fooling those hideous chav monsters into a false sense of security (by going two goals down) and then snatching it away from them. Muhahahahaha. To rub it in further, the Chavatters left Carrow Road with three injuries to their squad, including their T&T world cup hero Carlos Edwards. He had been easily their best player but was unlucky to receive a full-on boot in the face and was almost knocked-out completely. The plainly hurt and confused Trinidad player was escorted around the outside of the pitch and some wags in the Barclay began a chorus of "Who are ya?" - a question he didn't look remotely capable of answering.

Elsewhere, LFloyd Fllandis, or whatever his name was, the Tour de France 'winner' had his positive drug test confirmed. His defense seems to be 'but I make more testosterone than normal people'. Uhuh. Could work I suppose. Justin Gatlin also got tagged for doping and a doctors bag of various potions, pills and plastic syringes was found outside a hotel used by some competitors at the European Athletics Championshps in Gothenburg. Now, I'm as fond as the next man, woman, beefed-up female chinese shot-putter to a bit of drugs now and then, most especially Thai weed spliffs to be specific, but I don't take-em at work and I would never use 'em to cheat against my fellow human beings. Did Flondis really think he was going to get away with it? Is this what the desire to be number one does to people? Ego ego ego - without any cogit ergo sum - equals foolishness. Worthington asked his Norwich players to show more mental toughness and it looks like they responded. Now we, the public, need to ask our other sport stars for some mental toughness to JUST SAY NO! If they don't, then they're clearly Mentalists - innit - know what i mean bro'?

Go On My Jenson

Last week we had 'almost the perfect match' according to Andrew Strauss, England's Cricket captain. This week it was 'almost the perfect race' according to Jenson Button's dad, speaking in between blubbing with happiness in the Honda garage and getting soaked in champagne spewed from the podium at the Hungaroring. Button senior also described the moment of Jenson's inaugural Formula 1 victory as 'better than sex', although he later modified that to 'as good as when my two children were born'.

It was indeed a near perfect race from England's only representative in the Formula 1 drivers paddock. In wet conditions he never put a wheel wrong coming from 14th on the grid to 1st past the flag some 40 seconds ahead of an also clearly delighted Pedro de la Rosa in second position. Admittedly he was helped by the retirements of Raikonnen (crashed) and Alonso (suspension failure) but you can only drive your best and see what happens and that's exactly what the man from Summerzet did. His control also showed in the post-race interviews when he dutifully praised his back-up teams and got in a mention for Honda's CEO-san despite the undoubted turmoil of ecstasy going off in his head. The only downside for Jenson Button is he now has to shave off his beard (he had promised to do so if he won) but this is surely a small price to pay for getting the monkey of 113 F1 races with no win off his back. the Hungaroring has been a good hunting ground for Brit drivers - Damon Hill won his first GP and Mansell and Coulthard have both been winners here as well - can we host more GPs here please?

It was also a sweet race from the viewpoint of us Schumacher detestors. Slipping and sliding on worn-out intermediates, Mr Arrogant decided to fight the inevitable as competitors were catching him up by 3-5 seconds a lap. First, he delayed de la Rosa and blocked him after slipping through the exit lane on the chicane. Then he tried to push-off Heidfeld in the same spot, but got his front wing mangled in the process and had to retire. Ha bloody ha. Heidfeld was a good 4 seconds faster a lap than he was and there were still 4 laps to go at this point. Did Schumacher honestly think he would hold out that long? Only an ego the size of a planet could possibly think so. Hoist by his own petard the only disappointment was not being able to see his face when he got out of the car. I'd have loved to see his rage. (NB - I've just looked up the word 'petard' on the net, being intrigued by what is being hoisted in this expression. Apparently, a petard was an explosive device used in medieval warfare. To be hoisted, or lifted, by a petard literally meant to be blown up).

Finally, in what has been a good week for us English sports nuts, the cricket team also pulled off a last-day victory against Pakistan, going 2-0 up and thus sealing the series (with just the Oval test left.) It was also good to see Mahmood get involved with 4 wickets on the last day, as he had not made much of an impression in any of his matches up to this point and you could almost see the frustration on his face. Much like Jenson, this success after such a barren period should really lift him up for the future and we need another good hostile quickie to back-up Harmison.